December 15, 2011

Heartland Express

December 15, 2011
Is it time for a gnomeliday?
Every day is a clash between the inner GPS and the practical gnome.

Instinct, hunch, heart, intuition – my inner GPS is bold, has a crystal clear voice and perfect elocution, quite unlike the human it inhabits.

Its nemesis is a practical gnome with hamster-like behavior that frets incessantly and devotes most of the present to worrying about the future. Shy, awkward and barely articulate at times, the practical gnome is also caring to a fault and easily distracted by the sounds of the inner GPS. And it harbors not-so-secret dreams of turning the worry wheel into a theme park ride.

I love my gnome and worship my inner GPS - both of them keep me functioning.

However, my inner GPS was broken for a while: life on the island meant that it kept sending me round in silent circles while the practical gnome cowered in the corner.

This went on for a long time until my inner clown – random, unpredictable, occasionally missing - awoke from his long slumber and shook everything up. That meant a blog for kicks and some fierce no-nonsense inky outbursts elsewhere. If humor is indeed the politeness of despair, the diagnosis is bleak.

But instead of despairing, I am counting my blessings and miracles. I may be still almost as destitute as when I left the island, I may still be living out of a suitcase but unexpected assignments in the fall reset my inner GPS and showed me the way to go from here, sending the practical gnome into an ongoing tizzy. From this duality emerged some kind of chaotic balance which works quite well as a default mode.

Along came a wish, too. My one wish.

Making it come true means putting the gnome on temporary leave over the festive season, pulling all my resources together to get a pair of wings and trusting.

In short, living. Now.

Because life doesn't wait, or does it?